Confident by Choice

The Three Small Decisions That Build Everyday Courage

By Juan Bendaña

Category: Communication Skills | Reading Duration: 18 min | Rating: 4.5/5 (187 ratings)

About the Book

Confident by Choice (2025) shows you that confidence isn’t something you’re born with – it’s something you can create through small, intentional steps. This process is called the Confidence Cycle, and it’s a science-backed framework that transforms tiny bursts of energy, courage, and action into lasting proof of your capabilities. With its practical micro-steps, it helps you unlock everyday courage and start building the confident life you’ve been waiting for.

Who Should Read This?

Professionals eager to speak up in meetings or take on leadership roles
Creatives looking to take bold steps forward
Individuals facing self-doubt or social anxiety

What’s in it for me? Gain confidence through one simple, repeatable process.

It’s no secret. Small steps repeated over time create real results. We know that’s true: it’s why we go to the gym or tend to our garden. That process is how you build things, whether it’s muscles or a wedding cake.

But what about confidence? Could you actually build it up the same way? The author, Juan Bendaña says yes, and he’s got the science, the stories, and the system to prove it. In this Blink we’re going to look at a system called the Confidence Cycle. It’s a repeatable process that, over time, will help you build confidence in any area, be it your career, in the gym, or in your relationships. The author has lived it himself, and he’s seen it empower countless shy newcomers to reach new levels of performance in all aspects of their lives.

Chapter 1: What confidence isn’t

Confidence is like a scorecard, right? Every time something goes right, we give ourselves a point. Someone says “yes” to a date – bing – point for confidence. A boss gives us a raise – bing – another point.

And when life hands us rejection or failure the points painfully slip away. While we carry that score around in our heads, we tend to envy those shiny, good-looking types who always know what to say. They always have more points. Maybe they were even born with a surplus. Actually, no. That idea is way off base.

Confidence isn’t handed out at birth. Confidence is something you do. Think of it less as a noun and more as a verb – something active, something you can build and practice. The musician Ed Sheeran is a perfect example of everything that confidence isn’t. Confidence isn’t genetic, and it isn’t reserved for extroverts or those who don’t experience insecurities. When Sheeran was young, he had a lazy eye, a stutter, and red hair that caused him to stand out even more.

He was bullied so much that he cried before school most days. But the turning point came when, to help with his stutter, his uncle handed him an Eminem album. And it worked! After memorizing every lyric and rapping along, Young Ed actually trained his way out of his stutter. By sixteen, he dropped out of school, moved to London, and began grinding his way through the music scene. While most people played a gig once a week, Sheeran clocked in over 300 shows in his first year.

Sheeran still struggles with self-doubt, but he uses it as motivation to continue practicing and improving. He chooses confidence. He built up the courage needed to step out on stage, night after night, knowing that sometimes it’ll go well, sometimes it won’t. The thing to keep in mind is that confidence doesn’t magically appear after you’ve mastered a skill. On the contrary, confidence comes before competence. It’s what gives us the courage to start.

It’s that little fire in you that says, “I can do this. ” Science backs this up. Researchers have shown that confidence grows through small steps. You take a risk, succeed in a tiny way, and that win gives you proof you can handle more. Then the cycle repeats, slowly building you up until you actually have control over your confidence. This is what the author calls the Confidence Cycle.

It begins with micro-energy – the spark of excitement about an area you want to improve. Then comes micro-courage – just enough bravery to push through the discomfort. Next is micro-action – taking a small step forward. And finally, micro-proof – the evidence you gain from having done it, which fuels your next round of confidence. Over the next four sections, we’ll get into the finer points of each of these stages.

Chapter 2: The sparks that generate micro-energy

The Confidence Cycle starts with a simple idea: before courage shows up, you need to find a spark. This is what micro-energy is all about – that tiny jolt of anticipation that gets you excited enough to do the uncomfortable thing. There are a few micro-energy boosters that can help you find that spark. First are excitement anchors.

Imagine opening your calendar and actually feeling thrilled about your week. That’s the goal. Sprinkle in small, look-forward-to moments: maybe it’s a hike or a swim, an episode of a favorite show or a free online class. These don’t need to be pricey or time-consuming; they just need to light you up. So schedule at least one anchor every week. When your calendar energizes you, courage stops feeling like a grind.

You also have chargers who build you up. People either add to your battery or drain it. We all know people who make the whole room brighter when they enter. Seek out more of that energy, and be that person for others. Big goals get a lot more doable when the people around you are clapping for your growth instead of clipping your wings. When it comes to scheduling, don’t overlook customized rest.

Not all downtime restores you. Random scrolling usually leaves you flat, whereas intentional rest fills the tank. Identify what actually refreshes you – be it knitting, meditation, or a neighborhood stroll – and plan it in. Real recovery is rocket fuel. Lastly, and perhaps most important, you need to find a strong “why. ” Life is filled with challenges and a lot of them are unavoidable and downright scary.

A compelling reason – a strong “why” – helps you carry weight. For the author’s friend, Dee, the guiding light was to one day buy her parents a home. This was the strong “why” that she used to push her through years of the daily grind. When the stakes matter, you show up differently.

So think about the space you live and work in, and the routines that make up your day. Aim for order and having things around that make you smile. Keeping small promises to yourself builds proof – and proof builds confidence.

Chapter 3: Building courage by reframing our fears

So now you’ve found a spark to get you motivated – you’ve cleaned your space, planned a weekly dinner with your favorite person who charges you up, maybe you joined a new club. Now you’re ready to focus on micro-courage – that tiny dose of bravery that lets you cross the bridge into action. We’re not talking slaying a dragon; we’re talking that little push that gets you to send the pitch, raise your hand in a meeting, or walk onto a stage. If you’re feeling uninspired because of past failures, remember that all of the stories we’re drawn to, including the most popular superheroes, feature flawed characters who pick themselves up off the ground and keep going.

So update your self-talk with one magic word – yet. “I’m not there… yet. ” “I haven’t achieved what I want, yet. ” It keeps the door open for growth and keeps the Confidence Cycle turning. Now, there are still some common roadblocks that might be standing in your way, such as fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, or fear of inadequacy. But these can all be overcome with some clear-eyed reframing.

When it comes to rejection, it helps to realize that some people will like you regardless, some won’t no matter what, and the vast middle is up to how you show up. We waste oceans of energy trying to flip the permanent naysayers, and in the process we neglect the huge audience that could be won over by genuine effort and consistency. Aim your attention at the moveable middle and the allies who fuel you. As for the unknown, rely on strategy over trying to predict. Athletes are perhaps the best example of this. Tennis legend Roger Federer knew that going into a big match he was only going to win a little over half the points.

That’s just the nature of the game. And it’s the nature of life as well. We can’t afford to brood after every miss. Instead, we can reset and prepare for the next serve. It’s also natural to wrestle with inadequacy, but this gets back to the main point of building courage and confidence. Excellence is built from ordinary ingredients done in specific ways, over and over.

Talent isn’t the magic key. It’s practice and paying attention to the small details. Performers do this too, chasing micro-tweaks that barely register day to day but stack up into something spectacular. So now’s the time to pick one action you’ve been circling – asking someone out, starting the side business, hosting a neighborhood movie night.

Write it down. Do a quick reality check on what typically happens and the likely timeline, then choose the next small move that fits those facts. Now, take that step forward. Fear can ride along; it just doesn’t get to drive.

Chapter 4: Taking action for progress, not perfection

You’ve stirred up some energy, you’ve mustered a little courage, and now comes the part that actually moves the needle: micro-action. This is where you do something small – so small it might almost feel silly – but you accept it as proof you’re capable. Not proof that you’ve nailed it perfectly. Not proof that you’ve “arrived.

” Just proof that you took the step. Here’s the trap most of us fall into: we set these massive, all-or-nothing standards. Either we eat kale for every meal, or nutrition doesn’t count. Either we become Ironman athletes, or we’re not “fit. ” Either we make a million, or our day job is a failure. With those extremes on the table, it’s no wonder so many of us simply opt out.

Perfectionism quietly kills progress. We’re aiming so high we never actually get started. Micro-action is the antidote. It’s about shrinking the target until it’s something you can actually hit today. You may not be ready to quit your job and launch a business. Fine.

Can you start a blog? Take an industry course? Jot down five possible business ideas? Completion – no matter how tiny – is what counts. Here’s a simple trick: put a date on it. You want to run the Boston Marathon by 2027?

Great – what’s your next micro-step? Maybe it’s just buying your first pair of running shoes. And then you write on the calendar: “Saturday – buy shoes. ” That’s it. Big dream, tiny action, date attached. Now you’ve built a bridge between “someday” and “this weekend.

” Think of how this plays out in real life. If you have a thirty-minute presentation due in two months, you can’t just wait for inspiration to strike. Instead, break your preparation into bite-sized practice sessions. Week one: rehearse only the first five minutes. Once that feels good, tackle the next chunk. Piece by piece, you’re stacking confidence until the whole talk feels second nature.

The action you take doesn’t have to be dramatic, and it doesn’t need to be perfect. In fact, let it be messy. Keep going to the gym, even if you’re fumbling with the machines for a couple weeks. Send the email draft that isn’t perfect. Start the language course with one clunky lesson. Each action is a brick.

Lay enough bricks, and you’ve built the foundation of your confidence. Remember, confidence isn’t built on one big leap – it’s built on hundreds of micro-steps, the little moves no one else sees. Celebrate them, even when they’re scrappy, even when they’re awkward. That’s what fuels the cycle to keep going.

Chapter 5: Completing and repeating the cycle

Proof. That’s what the final step in the Confidence Cycle is all about. It’s where everything we’ve talked about comes full circle. Micro-proof is the moment when action turns into evidence – evidence that you’re capable, evidence that your identity has shifted even just a little.

Now, proof isn’t the same as a “win. ” All we’re talking about is the fact that you showed up. You tried, and that’s what really matters. Think of it like skiing with a group of friends. There’s always that one newbie who’s terrified of the lift and nervous about the slope. But they go up anyway.

They fall five times, but they still get down the hill. Everyone cheers. Why? Because the proof isn’t that they were flawless – it’s that they had the guts to try. That proof fuels the next attempt. In other words: output matters more than outcome.

Simply trying out for the Olympics tells an employer just as much about your grit as actually making the team. The attempt itself signals discipline and commitment. You can’t always control whether you “win” – in fact, everyone loses eventually – but you can always control whether you showed up. When you focus only on outcomes, your identity gets shaky. But when you anchor in output, your identity strengthens – you can say to yourself: “I applied. I prepared.

I acted. That’s proof. ” You’re a runner because you run, not because you win medals. You’re a writer because you write, not because you’ve published a bestseller. You’re confident because you keep trying, not because you never get rejected. Over time, your micro-proofs add up to something even bigger: an identity shift.

Until you truly see yourself differently, your old identity will keep tugging you backward. But once you cross the identity threshold, failures don’t send you all the way back to zero. You develop checkpoints – new baselines – so that setbacks might sting, but they don’t erase your progress. Think of it as two steps forward, one step back. Before, a mistake might have knocked you flat. But once you’ve shifted your identity, mistakes can only push you back so far.

That’s growth. That’s resilience. And that’s the real payoff of the Confidence Cycle. It’s not just a temporary boost of confidence, but a lasting change in how you see yourself. Proof after proof, step after step, cycle after cycle – you’re building a new identity. One that says: “I am confident.

Because I try. Because I act. Because I keep going.

Final summary

The main takeaway of this Blink to Confident by Choice by Juan Bendaña is that confidence isn’t something you’re born with – it’s something you build. You, too, can build confidence through the Confidence Cycle, which starts with energy and then takes courage and action before providing proof. In each of these four stages, small, intentional choices will help shift the way you see yourself. Micro-energy provides the spark that lights you up, micro-doses of courage help you to face discomfort, and then you follow through with tiny, practical actions.

At the end, you’ll recognize the proof that shows how capable you are. Over time, repeating the cycle and taking its micro-steps will reshape your identity into someone who sees themselves as capable and resilient. That’s the real transformation: moving from waiting for confidence to show up to creating it, choice by choice. Okay, that’s it for this Blink.

We hope you enjoyed it. If you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. See you in the next Blink.

About the Author

Juan Bendaña is a dynamic entrepreneur, speaker, and coach who has spent over a decade designing leadership development programs for top-tier organizations like Disney, American Express, Zillow, and Sony Pictures – empowering CEOs, Olympians, actors, and Fortune 100 leaders to step into confidence and thrive. Drawing on research with more than 250,000 individuals across institutions like Oxford, Penn State, and the University of Toronto, Bendaña created the science-backed Confidence Cycle framework to help people transform self-doubt into everyday courage.