Raising Men

From Fathers to Sons—Life Lessons from Navy SEAL Training

By Eric Davis

Category: Parenting | Reading Duration: 18 min | Rating: 4.2/5 (107 ratings)

About the Book

Raising Men (2016) is a powerful exploration of life-changing military lessons, emphasizing the importance of boldness, accountability, and bonding. Via real-life stories from Navy SEALs, this captivating narrative will teach you how to build strong relationships with your son and raise him with discipline, leadership, and grace.

Who Should Read This?

• Expectant fathers
• Distant Dads
• Military patriarchs

What’s in it for me? Create unbreakable father-son bonds and raise confident, brave men.

They say that it takes a village to raise a child. But what happens when that “village” includes some of the world’s most formidable warriors?Eric Davis is a decorated former Navy SEAL and father of four children who he parented using exactly the same principles. He practices parenthood with the patience and precision of an elite sniper. Every underlying factor is addressed. Every action serves a purpose.In Raising Men he chose to focus on raising boys to become men because, he says, fathers have become more and more absent from parenting since the Industrial Revolution. He posits that tradition, heritage, and “the art of manhood” are no longer passed down from father to son. To overcome that, today’s fathers must not only teach their sons to become men but must also become men themselves.If you want to be a better father and form an unbreakable bond with your child, this summary of Eric Davis’s Raising Men will teach you to parent using the Navy SEAL principles of courage, respect, and perseverance.Are you ready to find out how? Then let’s gear up!

Chapter 1: Monitor your child’s progress and make them a team player.

Parenting and SEAL training may seem worlds apart but bear with us. Both require mental and physical endurance and a never-quit attitude. It’s all about survival at first. But in the long run, parents and SEALs want to build strong teams. And, just like in SEAL training, parenting involves teaching children to cooperate with others and take responsibility for their actions.The connections between SEALs and parenting run even deeper. For instance, when SEAL divers are submerged, they rely on their teammates to keep them safe. Similarly, in the early stages of parenting, parents must be their child's dive buddy. But their child picks new dive partners as they mature.So parents need to keep watch and ensure their child is “tethering” with good people. After all, parenting is more than just setting up playdates and watching from afar. So whether you’re coparenting or going it alone, you must be their dive instructor.Are you ready to take the plunge? Okay, here’s a step-by-step plan for developing a strong team player.First, focus on details. Pay close attention to your child's behavior and attitudes. Correct them as needed, and reward them when they make good choices.Second, stamp out arrogance. Teach your child the value of humility and the dangers of conceit. Help them understand that making mistakes is a normal part of growing up.Third, stay vigilant. Keep track of your child's activities, friends, and hobbies. Ensure they’re making sound decisions and staying safe.Fourth, adapt. Adjust your parenting methods to meet your child's changing needs. Give them advice and support as they navigate the complexities of their surroundings.Parenting can be tough, but you can make it easier. So start by building a strong and confident team.In the next section, we’ll cover how to lead your family like a Navy SEAL.

Chapter 2: Show your child the way.

Fathers bear a great responsibility. Their children watch their every move and look to them for guidance. So, how can you become the leader your family needs? The Navy SEALs can certainly teach you a thing or two. But don’t worry; you don’t have to be a Navy SEAL to use these tactics in your parenting.First and foremost, be present for your family, and provide necessary guidance and support.Sometimes, though, you might forget to care for yourself. Don’t do that! Neglecting your health and well-being can easily backfire. According to research, fathers who ignore self-care are more likely to suffer from burnout and depression. And, let's be honest, that’s not going to help anyone.So here’s how you can avoid exhaustion. Start by making time for yourself. Make sure you exercise and engage in leisure activities and hobbies – whatever interests you. Seriously, get out there and do it. Suffering in silence is a threat to your health and happiness. So, spend time away from home. And no, that doesn’t mean sinking beers with your mates. Instead, learn new things you can share with your family later. Absence also raises the value of your child's attention and gives you a chance to earn it back. The key point is that being a good parent starts with being yourself and looking after yourself too. Wouldn't you like to be the coolest person in your child's life? Sounds good, right?Next, to be an effective leader, involve your child in activities highlighting your strengths and skills while giving them opportunities to learn and grow. For instance, if you’re an avid hiker, take your child on a challenging hike and teach them valuable lessons about resilience and hardship.Remember that your child is constantly watching and learning about leadership. As a parent, your actions and behaviors influence your child's outlook and development qualities. Stop and think: Am I demonstrating the traits I want my child to have? Consider how you interact with your child daily and whether you inspire self-confidence and drive. Is there anything you could do better?In the next section, we’ll move on to the subject of discipline.

Chapter 3: Be a purposeful parent.

If you’re tired of traditional parenting methods that don’t produce positive changes, it might be time to try something new. Navy SEAL parenting prefers effective results over going through the motions.In the last section, we discussed how being a good leader can make you an effective parent. But what happens when your child misbehaves? What can you do? How can you maintain discipline and encourage positive behavior?With Navy SEAL parenting, you need to establish consequences for your child’s actions. Ensure that those consequences are safe and won’t harm the relationship you have with your child. When you apply safe consequences for their actions you show that you care about their well-being. The key is ensuring that the consequences work – which means they change your child’s behavior.Let’s look at an example. Suppose your child spends too much time on their phone rather than doing homework. Taking away their phone during study time could be an effective consequence but you should also explain why and how this will benefit them. Doing so preserves your relationship and shows your child that you’re not just punishing them but trying to help them succeed.You’ve probably noticed how children get caught up in their need to be right. They persist even if it harms themselves – or others, too. They may even invent rationalizations or excuses to justify their actions or beliefs.So, when your child needs discipline, ask them to think about what happened and why. Teach them to be open to new ideas and encourage them to question their beliefs. The goal is to help them improve their critical thinking and choose better solutions faster, not just punish them for mistakes. Explain what it was they did wrong and how they should make amends.Effective parenting also requires clear communication. So listen to your child. Sit and talk with them in a way they’ll understand. Remind them that life isn’t always fair and teach them to accept responsibility. Don’t forget who your child’s biggest influence is – you! For this reason, set a good example by modeling the behavior you want them to emulate. For example, do you admit when you’ve screwed up? Navy SEALs have no time for excuses. So if you slip up, be humble and accept responsibility.Effective parenting is more than just a case of doing what’s right or easy. It’s about developing a healthy relationship with your child. It’s prioritizing what works. To achieve this, check your ego, question your parenting practices, and be willing to try new methods.

Chapter 4: Consistent life coaching will earn your child's respect.

Shrewd Navy SEALs say, "it’s easier to keep up than it is to catch up."Falling behind in SEAL training means becoming a member of the Goon Squad – and that means you’re subjected to more intense exercise until you’re drained. You do learn a lesson from it, though: you’re always capable of more. Undoubtedly, falling behind can be discouraging, especially when it comes to household bills or academics. And when it comes to fatherhood, it can feel even worse. So if you want to be the best father you can be, how can you catch up and keep up?As a first step, always be there for your child, not just when something goes wrong. Your child needs a stable and predictable environment to grow and learn. That means you need to be present and engaged regularly. You should be a life coach rather than a corrections officer. Consistency is key. The fact is that consistent coaching requires repetition. It’s unreasonable to teach your child something once and expect them to remember it. So how you can make sure your lessons stick?High-level learning requires four phases: Learn, Practice, Experience, and Repeat. First, research what you want to teach your child. Next, practice and repeat what you learn until it becomes natural behavior. Then, apply your skills in an environment that brings results. Finally, repeat the process as necessary to reinforce learning and maintain consistency. Consistency supports and guides your child. For instance, suppose you’re trying to teach your child to tidy up after play. You need to use the same approach each time by setting expectations, showing them how to tidy up, and reinforcing positive behavior to motivate them to continue. And consider how well your child accepts discipline. If you need help changing their behavior, it’s probably due to your inconsistent correction.Children thrive on structure and routine – anything less can lead to confusion and a loss of respect. Parents typically struggle because they quickly convince themselves they can’t give any more. "No" is their standard response to most of their child's pleas. But when you incorporate the four stages of high-level learning into your parenting, you inspire your child to fulfill their responsibilities.

Chapter 5: Use strategic response drills to solve problems quickly.

In high-pressure situations, decisive action makes all the difference. This is especially true in military operations, where every second counts. Take the time a French special forces team failed to intercept a cargo ship smuggling contraband out of Iraq. When the opportunity to intercept came again, the US Navy SEAL team was "on time and on target." They boarded the smugglers’ ship and successfully diverted it back into international waters just before it could sail into Iranian waters. Fast action equals success.Similarly, hesitation in parenting can lead to confusion and frustration. So, what’s the answer? You can use Immediate Action Drills (IADs). The advantage of these is that they aid preparation. And preparation prevents poor performance. You may be familiar with IADs since you most likely used one in your childbirth plan. Timing is everything.When it comes to child discipline, you must act quickly. Your disciplinary IAD could be as simple as remaining calm and nonconfrontational – after all, escalating things won’t help. Instead, assess the situation while keeping the outcome you want in mind. Be firm but fair because being harsh and confrontational rarely results in positive outcomes. IADs can help you handle your child's demands and problem behavior. You can even design them to help your kid handle peer pressure or avoid bullying. But how can you make sure you execute these strategies? The answer’s simple: don’t hesitate.So now you know how to discipline your child when they misbehave. But you should also remember to reward their good behavior. If you’ve ever raised a puppy, you’ll know the power of positive reinforcement. This method encourages positive behavior while suitably punishing the bad. It also engenders trust and keeps control of your relationship. Building trust and confidence is essential to creating a healthy bond with your child, regardless of how small or furry they are! So, remember to notice the good stuff. The truth is, with your child's trust and motivation, you can teach them almost anything. First, consider what IADs are already in place and what needs to be improved. Then you’ll be able to regain control by acting quickly and confidently.Remember, effective parenting involves more than just rewards and punishments. It’s also about raising your child in a safe, nurturing home.

Chapter 6: Encourage your child to master their mental discipline.

Do you sometimes struggle to stay pumped when the going gets rough? Don't worry. You’re not alone in this boat. We’ve all had times when troubles get the best of us. The good news is that you can boost your mental toughness. Everyone has more control over their responses than they think. Not only that, recognizing this can transform your parenting.The power to control your thoughts, feelings, and actions is known as self-regulation. Understanding self-regulation is the first step toward mastering mental discipline. For example, the US Navy understands that feelings can sometimes overwhelm candidates. So it trains prospects how to self-regulate to prepare themselves for dangerous situations.Of course, as a parent, you want what’s best for your child – which generally means keeping them out of harm's way. But what if this makes it more difficult for them to control their emotions? Or affects their future decisions? For these reasons, coping with discomfort and pain is crucial to building mental toughness.Self-regulation can be divided into three parts: physical, mental, and emotional. Initially, SEAL trainees focus on the physical – pain and exhaustion – but instructors understand that neglecting one affects the others.Mental regulation influences your decisions, whereas emotional regulation governs your temperament. SEALs must be able to control all three domains to succeed. So, how can you teach your youngster self-regulation?Begin by establishing a clear goal. Next, look for or create environments where your child can struggle. Then teach them to recognize the interplay between physical pain, anxiety, and doubt. Ask them to sit with those experiences – however uncomfortable they may be – instead of trying to beat them. Finally, teach your child that the grind is as crucial as the goal. Learning this, their emotional regulation and mental strength will improve.Overall, it’s not just about having a positive attitude but how you approach and overcome obstacles. So teach your child how to accept responsibility for what’s happening inside. When they learn to master this skill, they’ll also soar to new heights.

Final Summary

To be an inspiring and effective father, you should prioritize active parenting and lead by example. Maintain consistency and responsiveness to your child's needs while encouraging physical activity. Remember that even if you’ve lost touch with your child, you can still reconnect and rebuild your team. Fathers never quit.By embracing Navy SEAL parenting principles, you can build a strong foundation that promotes growth, love, and respect. With this approach, you can reclaim your role as father and inspire your child to make positive life choices.

About the Author

Eric Davis is a former US Navy SEAL, decorated veteran, and author. Recognized as one of the finest sniper instructors in the US military, he founded Average Frog, a company that teaches the performance principles of Navy SEALs.